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josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
using vaseline....   16/11/2010

A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door."Do you use Vaseline?" asked the researcher. "Certainly, " she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns." "And what about anything else?" he asked. "Like what?" He became embarrassed. "Well, sex, maybe." Oh, of course." she said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out."


1 Comentarios, 105 Vistas, 5 Votos ,4.45 Puntuación
Resplendant23 64 H
9  Artículos
To Wax or not to Wax ?   12/11/2010

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the . I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in ...


2 Comentarios, 136 Vistas, 9 Votos ,5.56 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
dirty 4 letter words.....   5/11/2010

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, " said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama, " she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd ...


1 Comentarios, 147 Vistas, 8 Votos ,1.62 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
the fishing trip   4/11/2010

Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both ...


1 Comentarios, 115 Vistas, 9 Votos ,3.21 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
devotion   4/11/2010

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you ...


1 Comentarios, 100 Vistas, 7 Votos ,4.06 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
the octopus   4/11/2010

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi ...


1 Comentarios, 74 Vistas, 3 Votos ,3.43 Puntuación
ReconXJ98 35 H
1  Artículo
A woman is like a copier.   23/10/2010

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.


2 Comentarios, 42 Vistas, 3 Votos ,3.43 Puntuación
purpleOil 34 P
2  Artículos
Funny hunny   18/10/2010

i know everyone has at least one hilarious sex story thats just to funny to be made up...if ur not too embarassed please share the humor lol


5 Comentarios, 162 Vistas, 6 Votos ,1.94 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
surgical procedure   16/10/2010

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his . "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, ; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me . your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."


2 Comentarios, 129 Vistas, 7 Votos ,3.55 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
evolution   15/10/2010

A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"

The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her mother the same question.

The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad, how is it ...


1 Comentarios, 110 Vistas, 5 Votos ,4.12 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
she was framed !   14/10/2010

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to ...


3 Comentarios, 114 Vistas, 8 Votos ,3.01 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
she was framed !   14/10/2010

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went.

When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to ...


1 Comentarios, 27 Vistas, 3 Votos ,4.90 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
a lil honey   14/10/2010

A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, and so forth. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years you still call your ...


1 Comentarios, 92 Vistas, 3 Votos ,3.43 Puntuación
rm_keystonewest 68 H
9  Artículos
where in the states do people have sex more often?   1/10/2010

There are people that will say out west they have to most sex because of the nice beaches.then their are people that will say no the state that have the coldest weather have. now if they say that az mn fl or those southern state have more sex. Here is for for thought, in those sunshine states OLD people out number the young!!! So they must be having a lot of sex right! nothing wrong with that ...


1 Comentarios, 78 Vistas, 3 Votos ,0.49 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
joe and john   30/9/2010

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his ...


2 Comentarios, 131 Vistas, 9 Votos ,4.49 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
......but who will get the wet spot??   30/9/2010

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!"

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, ...


1 Comentarios, 108 Vistas, 4 Votos ,2.47 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
matter of opinion......   30/9/2010

An old man marries a young woman, and though they’re in love, the wife can’t achieve an orgasm.

They ask a psychiatrist for advice. He says, “Hire a strapping young man. While you’re making love, have him wave a towel over your bodies.”

The couple’s desperate, so they hire a male to wave a towel. But despite a lengthy lovemaking session, the wife still can’t get ...


1 Comentarios, 92 Vistas, 2 Votos ,2.42 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
domestic dispute....   30/9/2010

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender,

"Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah, " said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over, " Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you ...


1 Comentarios, 101 Vistas, 3 Votos ,2.94 Puntuación
rm_traumst 36 H
5  Artículos
just funny stories   27/9/2010

seen a pile of funny stories on here so thought id throw mine up here. funniest thing that ever happened to me during sex was when me and a girlfriend were house and sitting at her aunts house and we ended up having sex on the couch. apparently the dogs thought i was hurting her and two out of the three dogs kept biting me in the ankles for about ten minutes. needless to say we moved into the ...


1 Comentarios, 122 Vistas, 1 Votos ,1.10 Puntuación
terracamo 64 H
10  Artículos
Who's The Boss   25/9/2010

A husband was advised by his psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you are the boss." The man was on fire with enthusiasm and couldn't wait to try to the Doctor's advice. He rushed home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when ...


1 Comentarios, 173 Vistas, 5 Votos ,3.80 Puntuación
_JKH_ 69 H
858  Artículos
Worth the grin !   22/9/2010

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note ...


2 Comentarios, 180 Vistas, 11 Votos ,2.05 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
halloween   7/9/2010

this couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.

Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting ...


3 Comentarios, 181 Vistas, 9 Votos ,4.07 Puntuación
_JKH_ 69 H
858  Artículos
Husband & wife !   5/9/2010

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
...


6 Comentarios, 244 Vistas, 23 Votos ,3.71 Puntuación
_JKH_ 69 H
858  Artículos
Check for Alzheimer's !   3/9/2010

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is ...


5 Comentarios, 144 Vistas, 13 Votos ,1.13 Puntuación
_JKH_ 69 H
858  Artículos
Happy woman !   2/9/2010

A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I ...


2 Comentarios, 177 Vistas, 16 Votos ,2.98 Puntuación
_JKH_ 69 H
858  Artículos
Quickie in the Bushes !   2/9/2010

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a path way for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for ...


1 Comentarios, 130 Vistas, 11 Votos ,1.67 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
the earring   2/9/2010

Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Hey Joe, " he yells out, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's only an earring." Says Joe sheepishly.

"No ...


1 Comentarios, 119 Vistas, 1 Votos ,3.70 Puntuación
josmith5 61 H
1466  Artículos
in the beginning....   1/9/2010

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What’s the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to ...


2 Comentarios, 117 Vistas, 4 Votos ,2.86 Puntuación
sxetafysweet 56 M
2  Artículos
Paper Bag   28/8/2010

Two guys were in a bar arguing whos wife was the ugliest. This went on for some time, until finally they told each other to prove it./:>

So they leave the bar and go to one of the guys house. Guy walks in and says "Honey Im Home"

Wife walks in and yes she was ugly and husband says to the other guy "see I told you she was ugly" Other guy says "OMG" YOUR RIGHT ...


5 Comentarios, 239 Vistas, 16 Votos ,2.69 Puntuación
_JKH_ 69 H
858  Artículos
The $2.99 Special !   25/8/2010

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good, ' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte, ' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

...


1 Comentarios, 149 Vistas, 11 Votos ,2.98 Puntuación